In “News of the Dumbest Thing I’ve Seen in a While,” picture it: Kroger’s stoooopid parking lot, 7p.
Trying to go left from the stop sign next to the structure, appropriately. Stuck, because a girl who appears to be all of 16 in a crappy, boxy, little black something, is waiting on someone to back out of their (Driver) spot.
Mind you, there are at least 5 other spots she could go, but NO, her teenage behind would have to scoot a whole other 15-20 feet, max.
While I’m sitting there, rage building, (because Driver is taking her sweet, sweet time backing out… seemed to be struggling with the combination of her… well, she was just struggling with the seatbelt. Also, she just doesn’t care, with her 20 kids. I wouldn’t, either), I spot the bumper sticker on the back of Teenager’s car.
It says: Bumper to bumper, nut to nut, get off my a– you stupid sl–!
Now, I was about *thisclose* to rolling down my window and telling her to stop being a lazy slob, holding up the rest of humanity, lest she want to look and feel like Driver in 15 years, but I sniffed my Peace and Calming, cranked up Dan Folgerberg’s “Longer,” (don’t you DARE judge me–and yes, this whole thing was taking THAT long–also, you’re welcome for the link to this glorious bit of… glory), and glanced at Teenager’s face just long enough to catch my glorious, shining moment of schadenfreude…
As traffic was piling up behind us, people started honking, and her face turned beet red, her eyebrows raised in the middle–oh, yes, she was two seconds from crying. Little Miss “Get off my A–” was about to cry.
Besides the obvious, I find this hilarious because as a teenager, I would NEVER have had something like that on my car. WHY? Because my parents weren’t idiots! Duh. Also, because while I totally would have been honking at Driver (actual chutzpah), because I *was* an idiot, I wasn’t the kind that announced my foul, teenage stupidity on my bumper.
Also, I would have just parked (even after honking) when people started piling up.I did have these bumper stickers, that key chain, and that most hot-rockin’ car, except it was white:
ANYWAY, somebody in a Dodge finally backed out, she never got her spot, and I hope she burst into tears. There, I said it.
Oh, and if you know this little genius, smack her and pray for her for me. She needs both verbs desperately.